Why do I shut down!?

Our eyes meet across the room.

We each take turns stealing glances of one another.

Our body are pointing towards one another.

There is an electric energy between us to static, it almost feels like a taser.

We approach each other. It’s happening now, the opportunity to connect and explore this overpowering electricity. And then…..


CRICKETS!! I shut down…. at most I can get a “How are you?” out of me, and that is it!!!! What is wrong with me, you may ask…. I wish I could tell you, I ask myself that question everyday.

But I think I do know what is wrong with me, to some extent. I am sooo nervous around this guy, because I cannot believe how good this guy is, and I am almost to scared to tarnish this image. I have some trust issues due to some previous relationships, and somewhere in the back of my mind I fear that he will leave me once he finds out more things about me (about my past) or he will be different than how I view him in my head. He makes it so easy for me to approach him and I make it so difficult for him and for myself. It is also not fair to keep things going like this. I have been so hot and cold he must think I am bipolar. He asks to help me with and I continuously say no, because I am so used to do things on my own. He includes me and I seemingly have an attitude because there is a language and culture barrier with the people he tries to include me with. Additionally, I have also just been keeping people at arms length because it is easier than getting hurt.

Here are some things I think I can and should do to break down the barriers that are keeping me from exploring this seemingly wonderful opportunity with this too-good-to-be-true guy.

  1. Get out of my head and smile more – when I am in my head, I frown a bit because I am thinking and my face just does that, but to other people, it looks like I have an attitude problem. I don’t. It’s just the face I make when I am in thought/concentrating. I am making that face now as I write.
  2. Reach out and make more of an effort – I need to be consistent in letting him know that I want to hang out with him and do different things. However, in my defence, the last few times I have initiated something, he invites his friends. Maybe to make it more comfortable to him or us, but I have been taking it as, him not wanting to spend time with me alone, which pushes me further away. I was kind of confused by this, because I thought it meant he wasn’t interested or getting over it, but then I would see him the next time and again it was that electricity I mentioned before. I was confused because I would think “If you like me, why would you invite your friends to hang out when I ask you to hang out?”. Maybe I need to make an effort with his friends too.
  3. Put myself in his shoes – I have not been easy to figure out either. I am impressed that he is still showing me interest, less of course because of my hot and coldness, but he is still showing. I need to put myself in his shoes and see it from his perspective and that might help me understand better what I could do better.
  4. Take the pressure off – I need to just relax when I see him and not worry about saying the right thing, or doing the right thing, or being the right person….it’s the last one that really gets in my way.
  5. Just be – Stop worrying and just be!!!

If you have been in a similar situation where you just freeze up around your crush, please share your experience. How did you handle it? Are you together now? What are your tips to get the guy and let your guards down?


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