If you have an attachment-parent relationship, then you probably got a lot of cuddles as a child from your primary caregiver (typically the mother). Whenever you sought comfort, you more likely reached out for your mothers hand or hug, instead of a blanket or teddy, it doesn’t mean you didn’t have and enjoy these things like all other kids, it just means you had at secure attachment with your primary caregiver and that is where you sought comfort.
In some cases, if you are lucky enough, that relationship persists and develops in a healthy manner. In other cases, as you become a teenager and grow up, you can pull back from your parents or even become estranged, as a result of hurt feelings, experience of betrayal, feelings of shame and guilt and not wanting to talk to your parents about certain things, so you develop a wall with them. They even try to hug you sometimes and you just cringe and continue to push them away. This was definitely the case with me.
This lasts for some years, until you realise one day how much you miss those cuddles, and if was still appropriate to just have your mum carrying you around on her hip, you would do that…. ok, that might be a bit over the top, but you know what I am saying. You find yourself wanting to retrieve to old times and be taken care of again and assured that the world is not such a scary and mean place.
I am 27 years old now, and I ask for as many cuddles as I can from my mum. After years of neglecting myself and putting myself in unhealthy situations, what I am seeking for from these hugs and cuddles, is the feeling of being invincible like I had when I was a kid. And I believe the love that I had when I was kid is why I felt invincible, so I am looking to recreate that.
I encourage you all to just go and hug your mum and cuddle her today. Right now I cannot get enough of her cuddles, and I know she needs it too and it makes her feel better and needed. It has also increased the level of trust between us that diminishes in those teenage/early adult years. It’s a good feeling, allow that love to fill your heart, after all there is no purer love than that between a mother and a daughter.
If you experience something similar, please share. Let me know I am not the only adult/child.